On Grief

Since my Grandma’s sudden death over the August Bank Holiday weekend the whole family have been grieving, it hurts but it’s also a lesson in the different ways people grieve. Or the different ways people have to cope with grief in order to get everything done, such as in this case the funeral arrangements, sorting out bank accounts and social services appointments in order to arrange things for my Grandad who will need to go into care. There’s a lot to do after someone dies, especially if they were primary carer for someone with advanced Alzheimer’s. My family have dealt with the loss in many different ways.

Some members of my family have done a lot of crying. This is usually the kind of grief you see on TV and in movies, it’s more obvious and visceral and much more like the traditional form of grieving. It hurts to see people so upset. Others grieve in more subtle ways, keeping busy so as not to think about their sadness. When there’s so much to do it’s much easier to do this than you might think. I fall more into this category, keeping myself as busy as I can.

There are supposedly several stages of grief, I’ve been through a couple in the time since my grandma died. At first it was shock and denial, not accepting that she was gone. I tried to carry on as normal, my appetite was gone and I felt ‘off’ but I wasn’t crying, I was just getting things done. Sitting and watching my grandad while my mum and aunt were at the hospital or the funeral parlour or wherever else they needed to be. I kept busy and I didn’t cry, maybe it was a brave face to wear so as not to upset my grandad I don’t know. Then I got back to Bolton and as soon as anyone asked me how my weekend was I started sobbing. That was the depression. That week I cried, I drank, I struggled with my own mental health and the feeling of emptiness.

Grief is hard. People cope in different ways, and just because someone doesn’t outwardly appear to be struggling – for example they’re not crying a lot – it doesn’t mean they’re not really broken up inside.

How I Budget

When you move out of your parents’ home then budgeting is something which becomes very important, mostly because if you forget to budget sometimes you find yourself with another week until payday and only some less than healthy looking carrots and pasta to survive off (but a really great set of new comics to amuse you and some lovely perfume). This is particularly true if you’re not really used to having as many responsibilities, or as much money coming in. The latter was my situation, as the bursary which comes with my PhD is my first time having any sort of real long term income and is more than I was getting over my previous summer holiday work. I was doing great for the first few months, being used to not having any income, then I realised I had actual money and managed to spend it all a bit quickly.

What I've Been Reading Lately: Comics

Lately I’ve been reading more comics than books, after a couple of disappointing book purchases from Kindle deals/Kindle First. Plus all the excitement of the Suicide Squad and Deadpool trailers kicked up my comic love a notch. I do have a few on my current series pull list, but mostly I’ve been going back to old issues and trades to get more backstory and complete my collections wherever necessary.

Photo Bomb: New York pt 2 - Central Park and Empire State

Continuing from the last post, here are yet more photos from my New York trip - Central Park and the Empire State Building. This is very pic heavy so it's behind a cut, and again I'm afraid these were all taken using my (slightly smashed) mobile, mostly the pictures came out great but some of the zoomed in ones aren't as fancy. I hope you can enjoy them anyway.

Photo Bomb: New York Pt 1 - City Sights

Original photo can be found here on pexels

So, back in May I was allowed to attend the BCC Conference in Stanford, Connecticut as part of my PhD. I did a presentation there which went okay but I’m sure was terribly dull. Anyway, as my mother actually works in the Fire Industry and was also attending BCC we decided that after the three day conference we would spend a couple of days in New York. Especially as I cut short a weekend at a convention that I paid a lot of my own money for (not bitter about missing my Jason Momoa photo op to head to the airport at ALL… *grumble*, it’s my own fault but I like to blame Steven Amell and PhD work for it anyway. One day I’ll tell you all that story maybe.)

Anyway, these are the photos I took in New York. I don’t think I’d ever go back, Central Park was amazing but in general there were far too many people and too much concrete and dear god the prices. But it was a great place to visit and see the touristy things. So that was fun.

Stewarding at a Convention: My Experiences

So, for those of you who don't know, I am occasionally a steward at conventions and as con season is drawing to a close I thought I'd talk a little about what stewarding has been like for me. 

Stewarding is where you volunteer to help out. At the conventions I've been to usually this is for a couple of 2-3hr shifts each day of the convention, but I've been known to do a whole day stewarding (meaning a 7am start at 10/11pm finish and very few if any breaks). However if you're not completely insane like me, you wouldn't do that ;). That is unless you volunteer for one of those events where you get a free ticket if you help out all day, I think there are a few that run like that.

It can be a wonderful experience, I wouldn't keep going back to do it if it weren't, and I’ll go on to talk about that momentarily but first I want to be honest with you about some of the drawbacks. Obviously my experiences could be totally different to everyone else’s and depending on which event organiser you’re helping things can be very different. 

One of the big drawbacks to stewarding (apart from the possibility of having to be up way too early on a con weekend because you're working first shift and having to set up) is that you might end up missing stage talks you wanted to see. Unless you’re working on the doors for the stage room then it’s guaranteed you'll miss at least a couple of the stage talks, and you can’t be sure of where you will be positioned for stewarding duties. None of the staff members I was working with would let us miss anything we’d paid extra for (such as photo ops), as long as you told a staff member you had a photo op during your shift then they would do everything they could to make sure you remembered and wouldn't stop you going.

The only other real issue is that sometimes, as someone with “authority” (you don’t really have much, if any), you can be seen as the person to go to if anyone has any complaints or problems. Of course, sorting problems is part of the job and I love to help people, but if you struggle to deal with people who are perhaps a little stressed out and not always the most polite humans you’ll encounter, or just the fact that you can’t always solve people’s problems then it can be hard. Obviously the first of these two things is just a hazard of working with the public, and I try to be as understanding as possible – I know conventions can be really stressful. Just guys, if any of you ever attend one, please always try to be kind to the volunteers and staff?

There might be a couple of drawbacks but there are way more reasons why it’s amazing.

You get to meet so many more attendees than you would do regularly. I’ve worked on the doors for some of the halls and photography rooms before and you see nearly everyone! I’ve also helped out on the registration desk which was just fantastic, even if I’m sure by the end of a very long day I was convincing people I was crazy. Great times.

You also get to help so many people have the best con experience they can. Whether that’s something small and simple like making sure someone gets to the right place at the right time, or getting someone with a disability that stops them standing for long a chair to sit in, or maybe something a bit bigger like the staff members and stewards I saw helping someone through a panic attack or finding someone’s lost purse/photo op tickets and making sure they got them in time.  This also means you get to hear some of the praise and the happiness coming from people, which is just so rewarding.

Another of the perks, which may not apply to everyone (it depends where you’re working, on top of the obvious differences between organisers) is getting to spend more time than you would otherwise with some of the celebrities. Not the “big stars” of course, they usually have handlers with them and no one gets near, but when I’ve been lucky enough to be working in the photo studio sometimes I get a chance to talk with smaller guests while we’re setting up or when the session has finished and they’re waiting the extra ten minutes for late-comers. Not one for people who get totally overwhelmed at celebrities, but if you’re laid back it’s pretty cool.

Volunteering is also, of course, a fantastic thing to put on your CV, and depending on where you are you might get other “compensation” like exclusive photos, lanyards or something. It’s an experience I would totally recommend and I’m going to keep doing it on and off for as long as they’ll let me!

The Less Fun Bits of Studying For A PhD

Original image by Moyan Brenn on Flickr. You can find that by following this link all credit and attribution goes to him.

So, as you know, I am currently studying for a PhD. I know I mention it a ittle too often, there’s a good reason for that which I’ll come to in a second. I thought I’d share some of the lesser known things about studying for a PhD (at least in my experience at Bolton anyway).

1. Your PhD becomes your life. This is why I mention it so often, I pretty much do nothing else so I have little else to talk about. Except TV, turns out you get very good at background watching programmes while you’re reading or writing papers, or in the quick breaks while you eat (if you’re me). This is especially true in the periods when none of the students are there.
2. Holidays, weekends and evenings mean nothing to you. There is no such thing any more, it’s all just time in which you should be working. Your supervisor will actually tell you to do so. Which may just sound like normal student studying, but remember you are also in minimum 9-5, Monday to Friday, with no summer holidays. (At Bolton we do get two weeks at Christmas and a few days at Easter over the long bank holiday weekend while the university is shut).
3. Sometimes nothing works. This is more true of research/experimental PhD’s I think, but sometimes you can try a million things and none of them work. I’ve spent forever basically trying to waterproof a coating, so far nothing has worked. It sucks.
4. Just because you are there while the students are gone doesn’t mean you will get much work done. It’s true what they say about Britain shutting down over summer, August especially can be a pain. You might need something now, but the person who can do it is on holiday for two weeks and has a to-do list the length of the building. Summer is quiet, but a pain (being sat in an office, in my case one with no natural light, does not help matters).
5. Getting your Thesis printed and bound so you can submit it is very expensive. This is a proper hardbacked book, a few hundred pages long. And, if like us, your Supervisor also wants two copies as well as the official copy then it gets even more expensive.

In the end though, it’s all totally worth it. You wrote a book, you’re now the most knowledgeable person about your chosen subject and you get to call yourself Dr, that’s pretty darn awesome. Plus that PhD is super useful for helping you get jobs in many cases.