Since my Grandma’s sudden death over the August Bank Holiday weekend the whole
family have been grieving, it hurts but it’s also a lesson in the different
ways people grieve. Or the different ways people have to cope with grief in order to get everything done, such as in
this case the funeral arrangements, sorting out bank accounts and social
services appointments in order to arrange things for my Grandad who will need
to go into care. There’s a lot to do after someone dies, especially if they
were primary carer for someone with advanced Alzheimer’s. My family have dealt
with the loss in many different ways.
Some members of my family have done a lot of crying. This is usually the
kind of grief you see on TV and in movies, it’s more obvious and visceral and
much more like the traditional form of grieving. It hurts to see people so
upset. Others grieve in more subtle ways, keeping busy so as not to think about
their sadness. When there’s so much to do it’s much easier to do this than you
might think. I fall more into this category, keeping myself as busy as I can.
There are supposedly several stages of grief, I’ve been through a couple
in the time since my grandma died. At first it was shock and denial, not
accepting that she was gone. I tried to carry on as normal, my appetite was
gone and I felt ‘off’ but I wasn’t crying, I was just getting things done. Sitting
and watching my grandad while my mum and aunt were at the hospital or the
funeral parlour or wherever else they needed to be. I kept busy and I didn’t
cry, maybe it was a brave face to wear so as not to upset my grandad I don’t
know. Then I got back to Bolton and as soon as anyone asked me how my weekend
was I started sobbing. That was the depression. That week I cried, I drank, I
struggled with my own mental health and the feeling of emptiness.
Grief is hard. People cope in different ways, and just because someone
doesn’t outwardly appear to be struggling – for example they’re not crying a
lot – it doesn’t mean they’re not really broken up inside.
